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I'm super annoyed at my family, specifically the people who I live with (dad, aunt, uncle). They were fine when I told them I broke up with my ex, they left me alone for a while and pretended to be happy. I felt things were normal for once. But now that they found out that I'm in another relationship? They're on my back again. Hey, torture, my best friend. I just love how they think I'm stupid. Like I really plan on becoming pregnant at a young age and drop out of high school/college. Believe me, that's the last thing I want. Or, just because I'm spending a lot of time with my current boyfriend, they think one day he just might turn into a monster and rape me or lure me into having sex.

So, today I came home late, around 9:30 p.m., and my dad just freaked out on me saying that if I'm going to be with him, I will have to leave this house. I only have two choices: to stay home and study like a good girl, or run away with him and be with him. I DON'T GET MY OPTIONS. Actually, I don't get why those. Like why can I not hang out with him and still manage my studies? I get that they're worried about my well-being and safety and everything, but I am human, I do have a brain. Even if we have sex, we are aware that there are ways to prevent pregnancies and STDs and stuff. And as for my studies, I've been managing them well for the past two or three years that I've been dating... Maybe it's just because I don't talk much to my family and they don't get me. At all. But then, since when was it easy for people to communicate to them? Like they only listen to excerpts of what people are saying, then they refute and argue back with some nonsense based on the only tiny piece of what they've heard. Talk to my dad? Funny. As if he listens to what I have to say. I only speak for three seconds, and his chiding begins; jumping from rant to rant, speaking for what seems like hours on end. I'm just so tired...it just feels like whenever I'm in a relationship or in love with someone, I feel dragged down by them. Actually, I don't have to be in a relationship, if I just happen to spend too much time with someone, they get angered. I spend a week sleeping over at my mom's house, and my dad already gets vexed. And now? I'm almost 18, I hope they realize that I'm not a toy, not a captive, not a property. Eventually I am going to leave them like everyone else did. Even for college, RCC was actually on the lower spectrum of where I wanted to go, even Ms. Alter knew I should leave to a place where I could dorm so I could leave this hellhole. I go only to make my parents happy, so that they don't have to carry so much financial burden for my college life. I know my dad in particular did not want me to dorm only to keep me close for a little longer. Every time I suggested that I leave to somewhere just an hour away, he would get annoyed and start complaining about how expensive that would be if I commuted. Notice how he just ignores the dorming factor, and rants about commuting. That's the type of conversations that I have with him. Sigh...

*An hour later...after finding something on my LJ...*
So...I think I cooled off now...tomorrow I will be so psyched for the band trip!...Not. G'nights.

Jan. 30th, 2010


So today, I went to mall at 10 to see a movie avec mon petit amie: The Spy Next Door. And may I say that was the most awesome movie ever! xD Well, I love any movie with Jackie Chan in anyway, except one that I've seen...called the New Police Story. It was too serious and tragic for my taste, and of course, it was a HK film, which meant it was most likely going to be depressing anyway. Well now because of The Spy movie introduced me to Karate Kid, I can't wait 'til it comes out!! Heheh...>]

After the movies I went a little window shopping avec-le,  and we went to Kinokuniya. I didn't really expect to get anything until I found that they were having a 75% sale on their calendars. Guess what I found?! ...
...

...
A mamegoma calendar!!! The most adorable animal that Japan has created xD It looks something like this:

 

It's so cuuute >w<~!!! I would hug it but I think I might break it; and I'm sad that they don't sell the plushies any more TT TT Oh well, next time I see one, I shall make an attempt to get one >D

Moving on, nails. Mom's definitely improving, especially with the thin brush [the one they use for french manicures] and this is today's tortu...er, I mean creation xD




Well I'm guessing you can't really see it unless you enlarge it, but it's pretty much just a combination of french and strokes she's been practicing which are seen on all my other times. I really like it this time, probably because the color [which is actually a light pink if you can tell xD] is delicate and looks better on me xD The other times were definitely way to extreme ==; But anyhow, Mom keep it up! You're doing great! [as if she reads these; hope not...o.o].

That's all I have to say for tonight, so g'nights to all
I would like to take the time to say...
THE MOON WAS SO FLIPPIN' HUGE omgsh. o_o
The biggest moon seen, ever. I wonder if anyone else saw...like around 5:20-30 or so, it was like the size of a basketball in the sky. Yes, I am amazed. And that's all I have to say. G'nights people and have fun staring at the moon xD

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I'm such a horrible person to seek comfort from xD
Hm...I'm guessing most people who know me, already know. Whenever someone has a problem, I never know what to tell them...at that moment. It's always moments later, I know what to say. Sometimes I hate my brain and it's slowness ==; and not just for comfort, but for pretty much everything. Meh, I'm probably feeling so useless right now...since I couldn't help a friend who's/was in despair [is that the right word?]. I hugged her, but it was such an awkward one 'cause I'm an awkward hugger...I heard that they went out for her birthday; hopefully she feels better from that...[and kind of annoyed at how I wasn't invited; lovely. But whatever, if it was a spur of the moment idea, then I understand.] But today, me and Christie met up at her house to make origami and arrange a candy basket for the twins as their birthday present. And may I say that thing was huge o.o...so much candy...I think they'll think we're insane xD But hey, sugar and sweets makes people happy, desho? Pictures shall be posted on facebook after the package is delivered [which I'm guessing should be monday] if anyone is interested. P.S. after wrapping it, it looks like a wrapped bomb or a huge gloob of cello wrap.

Well on a happy and random note, I made a child smile today x]. Random 'cause it was just a random kid sitting next to me at the mall. Yes, I know, at the moment you're probably thinking I'm a creeper or I was stalking them, but no. I was just carrying my mini pack of origami paper and was making cranes out of boredom. When we sat down at a table, I had just finished making one, one of those movable ones, and saw that there was a little girl and her family sitting next to us, eating. So I just gave it to her since it was most likely gonna go in the trash anyway. She was so happy, it was adorable. She didn't know it could move, so I told and taught her that it could and her family was amused. And afterwards, I felt awkward as I ate because she kept glancing back at me in glimpses. When they were about to leave, my dad told me to make another one for them in case she lost one. And so I did. I asked her to choose a color, and she chose yellow pastel...the material I hate using. But whatevers, it came out fine. [I thought it (yes, the crane) was gonna have a cardiac arrest and explode in the process though x.x] She was so giddy when I gave it to her x] Awh, hehe. Then her family and her gave their thanks and left to go to the merry-go-round. The end.

I've always wanted to do that actually. Making a child smile by making something, or make something go poof with magic, but my fear? of children holds me back. Yup, still not fond of children...but I'm trying, I think. Well, that's it for today, hope yours is going well. Now...to study or not to study, that shall be my question. xD


Hm...what to say...
I've been watching a lot of movies lately? Like, in the past week, I've seen about 5? 6? Lemme list them xD [they go in chronological order of when I've seen them]:




  1. Religulous
  2. Just Like Heaven
  3. Center Stage
  4. Raise Your Voice [I've seen parts of this one before, but didn't remember it so I watched it again xD]
  5. How to Deal
  6. A Walk to Remember [this one I started a while, (3 times in fact) just never finished because internet would not permit]
  7. What A Girl Wants
Oh, so that makes 7 of them xD Well the first two I watched like in the beginning of the week because of working in the library, and the last 5 I just saw within two days. Amazing, huh? This is what procrastination and loneliness does...==; Heh heh, midterm week...once midterms is over, hopefully I'll be going to the movies again to watch Spy Next Door. Yay, Jackie Chan! [No sarcasm this time; Jackie Chan is amazing to whoever thinks he's not =P]. Oo, and before I forget, Amy gots her 2nd manicure! Yay~ [No, not really.] Well mom's improving, though she still paints out of the lines...

Pics?




Heh heh, I'm proud of the last one, the pinky, since I gave her the idea =P Oh, and this time she did most of it-- the cuticles, the filing, the painting of base color, and painted the pointer, middle, and pinky finger. The middle was done by her co-worker. Note to self: next time pick a nude color ==; These are way to bold...

Hm...you may be wondering why I am up so late, but then again you might not find it so out of the ordinary. Geh, sorry if I'm writing weird, there's still this British thing that's going on it my mind from the last movie. Well in 2 hours, he'll be coming back. Hehe, so excited x]]. Yes, I'm a creepy little freak =P Can't wait to see him ><

G'mornite or whatever time to whoever is reading this.

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Jan. 10th, 2010

Amy has gots a manicure! For the first time! xD
Well, now since my mom's gotten a part time job at a nail parlor at the mall, me and my sister are her mice to test her painting skills on ==;
Mines were halfly done by her: the filing, the cuticle care, and a little painting. Most of the painting was done by her co-worker who sat behind her xD but yeah, I guess my mom's improving; at least she can draw lines on nails =D

Wanna see?


So, so, the pointer and the pinky were done by her. The base, polish, and ring finger were done by her co-worker. Pretty, ain't it? xD [Note that Amy had coffee before writing this]. But eh, I think I chose the wrong color...it looks too dark...x.x But ah wells.

My sister on the other hand... cried in agony. Oo, and she also states that, "Mommy was so creative that she paints out of the lines." xD

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Why are humans so stupid? Part 2

So before, that was depressed Amy speaking and now it's angry Amy. So. RAWR!!! Why are we so stupid??? I've been so pent up about this for a while, it's just so urgh!! when I think about it. Ok, ok, so we call us smart for all the "achievements" we've made, but on the other hand look at what we've done. Yup, it's so much prettier on the other side, you know, with all those dead trees, unbreatheable air, and bones of extinct animals because we killed them all, oh, and those corpses of people you killed just because you were greedy. Yup, that's beautiful. Oh, so we probably all know those mistakes we've made in the past, yet somehow we're still making the same mistakes again why? We starve other people by wasting our food, we torture animals for food, we kill others just for greed of some resource. Why do we do this? All for selfishness of ourselves. We starve others because we value ourselves more than them, we torture animals for personal profit, we kill others for the sinful desire of greed when the ones that die are just like the ones who kill. [This anger is due to the documentaries that I've been watching...]
 
What really ticks me off is how some people think they're better than others. You know, we're all the same. Yeah, hi, ok so you might have more money, you might look better, you might be smarter, but that doesn't mean you're not human. What makes me mad even more is when there's that waft of arrogance that ponders upon a family. You're all connected by blood! How can you be so vicious to each other?! You know, I'm so happy that polygamy is illegal here, because historical events that involved it pisses me off [but in some cases divorce and remarriage is similar to polygamy so the problem still exists]. Wanna know how? [And you'll laugh at this because I'm worked up...all for a drama, but I don't care. xP] Ok so there's this one family where there is a husband who has 4 wives, yes, 4, and that's not that many when it takes place in ancient China [but still, wth?]. Now, let's label them Wife 1, 2, etc. So Wife 1, the first married wife, has the oldest son, Wife 2 has youngest [the 3rd] son, Wife 3 [who actually should be called Wife 2, but too bad she was a wimp and had fake Wife 2 override her for title due to threat] has second oldest son, and Wife 4 just married in and didn't get busy with husband yet. Well, I'll just point out who'e bad and who's good to make our lives easier. Bad guys: Wife 1 and her son [Son 1], and Wife 2 [and her brother? cousin? well someone who has anger management problems], and maybe Wife 3 because she was such a wimp I wanted to punch her. Good guys: Son 2 [Wife 3's son], and Wife 4, Wife 3 eventually gains some backbone...so maybe here too. Anyhow, this family is a considerably wealthy family who lives off controlling a company who manufactures the town's rice. The husband is an okay guy, he nice to the people and everything, just he doesn't trust the right people sometimes [just like most kings of china before that time >.>]. He's so ignorant of what happens inside his family...grr. Well, inside the family Wife 1 is the evilest, and wants to consume all the family's money and company and everything and wants her son to suceed the family's company. Then there's Wife 2, who's just siding with Wife 1 because of pride. Wife 3, like I said, is a wimp who pretty much gave into every threat given by Wife 2 who got the idea from Wife 1. But her son, though he is kind of dumb at times, he has more integrity? than his mom [yay Ron Ng!]. Wife 4 is the most clever one in the family and can see through pretty much everything, but everyone hates her because she's the youngest [latest] married wife yet [the way that everyone sees it] her husband respects her more than anyone else in the family and cherish her more. The older two wives try to crush her and the 3rd wife and her son down by playing crafty tricks on them that are eventually solved by Wife 4. One of these evil plans was created by Wife 1 where she secretly calls a group of the workers from their company to kidnap Son 3, Wife 2's son. Now, though Wife 2 sides with Wife 1, she does not know this and freaks out about this. The kidnappers bribe them for some ransom that they can barely afford. Wife 2 eagerly agrees to pay because she wants her son back as soon as possible, but Wife 4 stops her because saw that if they asked for money once, then they'll definitely come back again to bribe for some more. She also eventually saw that something was fishy about the kidnapping and eventually concluded that all this work was done by an insider. More time passes, and the kidnapper refuses to give up the son, and does ladidadida. Ok, let skip the whole process, and get to the point where I want to be. Wife 4 eventually figures out the whole thing and calls out to public  that the family will refuse to pay for the bribe and earns credibility with a worker's lies. The kidnappers gave up, and release the guy [who's practically almost dead] in some shady place in the woods far from his home. Son 2 searches through the woods at night and find him; carries him back to their town and collapses nearby their house. Son 1 sees them both, and quickly grabs Son 1 and carries him home. He then calls out to the family that Son 3 has came home. When the whole family is awaken, he tells them a fabricated story of how he was the one who searched for him at night and how he found him, even as Son 2 steps in through the door, he continues his lie. May karma condemn him [and yes I didn't finish the drama because I just got too angry]. My point is, all for greed, pride, or some other sinful desire, we lie. In the process of doing so, we hurt others. We fight with each other, for what? In the end, we will have to die, and all those material goods we gain in life are worthless by then. Within a family, you need not to compete. Everything there is yours as well as theirs. Ok, maybe by doing so, you want your sucessors to live a good life, but does it really matter who takes charge? If you're a family, it really shouldn't, well at least in my eyes. If you're a family, you choose the one who is capable and willing to succeed. You shouldn't envy and push that succeeding one down...Like that family, I want that hate to stop among mine. I want that competition and envy to end. But I'm just as weak as the Wife 3, I hold no backbone in this family, I have no say. Those whose eyes are blinded with such loatheful desire...may they...I have no idea as to what to say xD. In a way, I want them to be punished, but punishment is cruel...resolvement sounds better and will probably scar more but it also sounds like the person didn't get enough. So. May karma get them, I dunno.
 
Yeah I probably didn't make sense at all in this whole entry just because I went from sadness to depression to angry to resolved to tired within 2 hours. And now it's 2:18, fun. Geh, I still need to work on my english essay and project and history DBQ...Oh well, too tired; sleep. G'nite.

Why are humans so stupid?

...

I want it to stop.
End my misery, end my pain.
Why do I have to hear those yells everyday?
Why do I have to witness cruelty and abuse?
Why am I a victim of threat?

Frozen to the bone; I don't know what to do anymore.
All I can do is stand and watch, guilty above all.
Lonely as ever with no one to spare a detail to.
Not wanting to burden them nor go against the rules.
Fear is to both men and women
For one can be equally as cruel as the other.

Send her away, and leave her in peace
Spare her of pain; she burdens enough on her own
Extinguish my fire, end this agony
For I wish to see no more violence
Upon anyone or anything.


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Sep. 20th, 2009


Ok, so I've been staring at my homework for a good half an hour now and I've gotten nothing done...and I don't think staring at it for another minute would make a difference. Geh!! My brain...my head...==; These past few weeks...my goodness, I think I'm going to die soon. First of all, let's complain: I have AP Chemistry first period in the morning. Every. Single. Day. So, how is that bad? Well, let's see...For starters, I don't sleep. Therefore, being up at like 6-7 in the morning = subconciousness = I'm not awake even though I appear to be so. So then, half the times I tend to fall asleep in that class [which I hope Dr. Horsey hasn't noticed ><] and since I don't pay attention in class, when it comes to homework and quizzes or tests, I have no heck of an idea as to what to do. Just great. Yeah, yeah; I know most of yous are going to tell me to GO SLEEP EARLIER ALREADY and stuff of the like, but...knowing me, it's not going to work. If you knew why I can't get to bed early...then you'd understand the whole problem, and you probably wouldn't nag me as much. But, since that's too long to say...well, just never mind the whole situation. Let's just hope I live til summer 10.

Meh...so right now, all I have left to do is...AP English and Chem work [a ton of reading for english, and a ton of math and a report to write up for chem]. AP English...just doesn't look so appetizing to devour at the moment, while chem...let's just say even Zahra has no idea as to what to do with it either.

So...what else to write...
How's life? Well...it's definitely been stressful and tiring. But let's rewind back to my birthday. So the sunday before that, my mom gave me a birthday dinner with my sister, Andrew, and her friend at Posa Posa [which by the way, for those who want to eat there, just go for the pizza and not the diner]. It was...enjoyable, I guess. I have no words to describe it really. I could tell that he was a bit nervous, meeting with my mom and all, and Dana was being mean to him for her lack of liking towards him, my mom didn't really talk to him much [because a weekend later, she told me that she really couldn't think of anything to say], while my mom's friend broke the tension of the table by leading most of the conversations [which I was thankful for]. The food there, as I said, wasn't so great [though I did like the lasgna, but I think the one Andrew (and his dad) made was better]. Oh, and the tiramisu...eh heh heh, you could think of what happened to me after I had that...Actually, no. Even though it had coffee in it, it made me drowsy, but the thing is, I couldn't fall asleep, which to me is the most annoying thing ever. Anyway, afterwards, we [the younger ones] were dropped off at the mall to go wander around for an hour or so, which is where my sister [physically] abused him. [Grr...Dana...] Overall, I guess I could say I had a pretty good time, afterall he was there with me [hehe].

So then there's my birthday...
Nothing interesting happened really...probably the most interesting thing that happened that day was that I got to see him that morning, and he gave me something special [not going to say what =X It's a secret, hehe]. And everything after that...was all just...bleh. My family just totally forgot it was my birthday and just continued to complain and yell at me for most of the day, and yeah, let's just leave it to that.

The friday after my birthday...that was interesting. I thank Christie for starting it, and Zahra for pretty much inviting everyone (which includes: Kendi, Katie, Briana, Mari, and maybe two other people who I can't remember at the moment, while I invited Alexis and Lillie) [and also paying for my meal as her present to me]. So, a summary of that...We went to T.G.I. Friday's, which was my first time eating there. I'd say the food was amazing; at least my order was [fried shrimp...mmm...]. The ice cream and candle and singing thing was a total surprise and I was totally embarrassed when it all happened, but I still enjoyed it. However...the problem was...after eating that, I ended up having a emotional shock/trauma a few moments after the meal, which...wasn't all that pretty, ahah. Overall, I'd say that meal was a quite a bit more fun than my sunday's dinner [sowwies ><], though I could see there was a bit of tension in this one, I could also see that there wasn't as much as before...so hopefully it'll continue to dwindle away slowly, until it is all clear like air [=D].

Following the joy comes...hm...how should I say this...chaos. And not the good one. Well first of all, school starts. Therefore, my life has officially ended from day one. And on top of that, I don't what happened, just things kept coming up, one after another, and each of them just kept making me either not be able to go to bed on time if not destroyed my schedule completely. My family kept giving me papers to scan for my aunt's compensation lawsuit, since they don't know how to freakin' use the scanner and if I were to teach them, it would be an epic fail since 1, I can't talk loud enough for them to hear, and 2, they're all old partially deaf; so the whole cycle is pointless. And on top of that, I don't know, just somehow, my schedule become hectic: transporting a piano into the house one day, and spontaneously, the furniture gets removed some random day afterwards (a school day on top of that) [and because of that, I had to spend a few hours cleaning in a desert full of dust...not fun]. Emily had a sweet sixteen party that I had to attend to which I kind of spent too much time looking for a gift for her. And then there's other things that were brought up by the family that I can't really remember, but whatever the case is, it just ruined my schedule, if I ever had one that worked. So...over the year, I somehow managed to accumulate enough stress that caused a bit of a kidney failure [if not then we could guess that I somehow managed to get UTI out of who knows what, but whatever it was, I was still bleeding from a place I wasn't suppose to] that same week while all of that was happening. Yeah, that week was so absolutely fun. Well, on a good note, even though I was suppose to lay in my sickbed for the day [September 13th, the day of Emily's sweet 16 as well as the day of a Nyack Street Fair] I managed to get out of the house and kidnap him from his post and take a stroll around the fair from 3-4 [as I've been wanting to for a while, but haven't gotten a chance to until then], then go to Emily's party from 5-9, then did homework til who knows when. So yeah, that's just one day, just think about what goes on in the others.

Well it's 12 AM now...and I probably should do my homework before I end up dead again tomorrow...which will probably happen anyway. So I bid you all a good night and a good morning.
Tell me this is not normal...
Ok, so I don't know, do people lose weight or gain when they're sad or happy? Um, let's just say I've lost a lot within a few weeks...6-8 pounds. So the last time I checked, I was 118, and before that I remember I was around 120. And today I checked, I'm 112. WHAT THE HECK?! Yeah I'm freaking out about this, I don't think it's a normal weight for someone who's 5'5''...and even my sister, who's shorter than me weighs more than me. Okay. So...now, what should I do?
Geh, I got to get off. I wonder if any one will see this xD

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